Secret #2
Originally written Monday, August 21, 2006 -
We decided we couldn't wait any longer and went ahead and told our parents and siblings that we are pregnant. The rest of you will still have to wait a little longer. Everyone was really excited for us, so that felt good. It feels a little more real now that they all know and we can talk to them about it. But it is still strange because nobody else knows. Everyone has different philosophies about how long you should wait before telling people. I think the main reasoning is that in case something bad happens early on, you won't have to go through telling people and everyone being excited and then turn around and go through the stress of telling people that you had a miscarriage. So, I guess that's our reasoning for waiting, too.
It is amazing how many people ask me when we think we are going to have another child. And it can really depend on who it is and how it is asked as to how offended I might be. Our closer friends and family can ask in a way that doesn't make me uncomfortable and leaves all the possibilities open. And they are just asking because they are interested in our lives. But then I get this random advice and nosiness from people I don't even know that well. People telling me to wait, people telling me to get going, people assuming all kinds of things about me. And I can get really irritated. Mostly, I get irritated that people are just so unthinking. I am not as personally bothered by the comments and questions as I am that people just do not consider how they are coming across. My main reason for being annoyed is the assumptions people are making about me. For all they know, I am already pregnant. For all they know, I don't want to ever be pregnant again. For all they know, I want another baby, but my husband doesn't or vice versa. For all they know, I can't have any more children. For all they know, we have been trying for months and it hasn't happened yet. For all they know, we want to space our children out more. For all they know, I could have just had a miscarriage. Seriously, what are these people thinking?! That's the problem...I don't think they are.
I think part of my deal is that although Steve and I have not personally had difficulty getting pregnant, I know plenty of people who have. And I put myself in their positions and think how hurt they might feel if people asked them the questions I have been asked. Or I know their stories of people assuming things about them that aren't true. I am probably extra-sensitive, but I don't always think that is a bad thing.
I'm not saying that people can't ask and be interested, but it seems like people should think a little bit more about how and why they are asking and consider what they are assuming about the other person. For the record, nobody that should be reading this blog has offended me with any question related to our childbirth desires. So, don't go worrying that you have to apologize for something or tread carefully the next time you ask me something. You're fine.
Okay, I'm done with my rant.
We decided we couldn't wait any longer and went ahead and told our parents and siblings that we are pregnant. The rest of you will still have to wait a little longer. Everyone was really excited for us, so that felt good. It feels a little more real now that they all know and we can talk to them about it. But it is still strange because nobody else knows. Everyone has different philosophies about how long you should wait before telling people. I think the main reasoning is that in case something bad happens early on, you won't have to go through telling people and everyone being excited and then turn around and go through the stress of telling people that you had a miscarriage. So, I guess that's our reasoning for waiting, too.
It is amazing how many people ask me when we think we are going to have another child. And it can really depend on who it is and how it is asked as to how offended I might be. Our closer friends and family can ask in a way that doesn't make me uncomfortable and leaves all the possibilities open. And they are just asking because they are interested in our lives. But then I get this random advice and nosiness from people I don't even know that well. People telling me to wait, people telling me to get going, people assuming all kinds of things about me. And I can get really irritated. Mostly, I get irritated that people are just so unthinking. I am not as personally bothered by the comments and questions as I am that people just do not consider how they are coming across. My main reason for being annoyed is the assumptions people are making about me. For all they know, I am already pregnant. For all they know, I don't want to ever be pregnant again. For all they know, I want another baby, but my husband doesn't or vice versa. For all they know, I can't have any more children. For all they know, we have been trying for months and it hasn't happened yet. For all they know, we want to space our children out more. For all they know, I could have just had a miscarriage. Seriously, what are these people thinking?! That's the problem...I don't think they are.
I think part of my deal is that although Steve and I have not personally had difficulty getting pregnant, I know plenty of people who have. And I put myself in their positions and think how hurt they might feel if people asked them the questions I have been asked. Or I know their stories of people assuming things about them that aren't true. I am probably extra-sensitive, but I don't always think that is a bad thing.
I'm not saying that people can't ask and be interested, but it seems like people should think a little bit more about how and why they are asking and consider what they are assuming about the other person. For the record, nobody that should be reading this blog has offended me with any question related to our childbirth desires. So, don't go worrying that you have to apologize for something or tread carefully the next time you ask me something. You're fine.
Okay, I'm done with my rant.
posted by Lara at 9:51 AM
2 Comments:
Nice rant! It is hard to remember that in general people mean well, but their approach is very flawed.
i was glad to read the bolded disclaimer at the end! (blushes)
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