I'm back
Not sure what all has happened in the month and a half since my last post, but life has seemed overwhelming lately and I guess blogging just didn't happen. We did take two trips during that time, but that doesn't account for all the time.
The first was a trip to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday. We drove down to Santa Fe, New Mexico and Hilary's family and my aunt Jeanie flew from Illinois. My dad knew he was going on a birthday trip with my mom, but had no idea that we'd all be showing up to join them. It was a great surprise and a fun, but pretty short trip.
The second trip was a bit of a blur for me. We had a scheduled long weekend in Ohio for some Troyer immediate and extended family time, but in the midst of getting ready for that, my grandma passed away so I ended up not being in Ohio for very long and instead drove to Illinois and back by myself for the memorial service and related events. It was a crazy trip for me.
We arrived really late Thursday night. Friday we had a relaxing day at a cabin in the woods with the Troyers. Then on Saturday morning I got in the car and drove seven hours to Champaign just in time for the visitation on Saturday evening. I had originally planned on leaving Sunday early evening after the memorial service, but at the end of Saturday, I knew that plan wasn't going to work out. It was a combination of me not feeling well (Sidenote: I've had this ongoing nausea problem for almost three months now and it was not being kind to me this weekend. No...I'm not pregnant.), the sheer stress of driving seven hours by myself on consecutive days, the craziness of switching gears from such an emotional weekend to driving by myself late into the night, and the strong desire and need to be with my family for longer than 24 hours during this important time.
It was one of the strangest weekends for me. For the obvious reason that I was dealing with my grandmother's passing and all that comes with such an event, but also because I was away from Anya and Evan for so long. I have never been away over night from them and here I was gone for three days and two nights. It was such a strange feeling. It almost didn't seem like I really had kids anymore. It was comforting to know that they were well taken care of by Steve and his amazing family, but also really hard to think about them and all that they were doing and to not be there with them. I was actually glad that our communication was limited while I was away because it would have made me sadder to hear more about their adventures while I was actually in Illinois. I was also grateful to not have to worry about them through everything going on back home. It was nice to not have to worry about sharing my grief with my children. I could mourn as I needed to and just worry about myself. I didn't have to figure out how to split my time, my energy, or my emotions. I was just there.
I arrived back in Ohio on Monday evening and we flew out the next afternoon. It was a whirlwind. I am glad that I at least got to see Virgil, Kathy, Mark, Rachel and Andrew a bit in Ohio. To Katie and all the extended family, I missed seeing you. Thanks to you all for helping take such good care of my children. You are amazing.
Life since we've returned has been chaotic, but somewhat less overwhelming in some senses. Perhaps the three day break from my normal parenting routine was good for me in ways I can't even describe.
At least I'm blogging again...
The first was a trip to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday. We drove down to Santa Fe, New Mexico and Hilary's family and my aunt Jeanie flew from Illinois. My dad knew he was going on a birthday trip with my mom, but had no idea that we'd all be showing up to join them. It was a great surprise and a fun, but pretty short trip.
The second trip was a bit of a blur for me. We had a scheduled long weekend in Ohio for some Troyer immediate and extended family time, but in the midst of getting ready for that, my grandma passed away so I ended up not being in Ohio for very long and instead drove to Illinois and back by myself for the memorial service and related events. It was a crazy trip for me.
We arrived really late Thursday night. Friday we had a relaxing day at a cabin in the woods with the Troyers. Then on Saturday morning I got in the car and drove seven hours to Champaign just in time for the visitation on Saturday evening. I had originally planned on leaving Sunday early evening after the memorial service, but at the end of Saturday, I knew that plan wasn't going to work out. It was a combination of me not feeling well (Sidenote: I've had this ongoing nausea problem for almost three months now and it was not being kind to me this weekend. No...I'm not pregnant.), the sheer stress of driving seven hours by myself on consecutive days, the craziness of switching gears from such an emotional weekend to driving by myself late into the night, and the strong desire and need to be with my family for longer than 24 hours during this important time.
It was one of the strangest weekends for me. For the obvious reason that I was dealing with my grandmother's passing and all that comes with such an event, but also because I was away from Anya and Evan for so long. I have never been away over night from them and here I was gone for three days and two nights. It was such a strange feeling. It almost didn't seem like I really had kids anymore. It was comforting to know that they were well taken care of by Steve and his amazing family, but also really hard to think about them and all that they were doing and to not be there with them. I was actually glad that our communication was limited while I was away because it would have made me sadder to hear more about their adventures while I was actually in Illinois. I was also grateful to not have to worry about them through everything going on back home. It was nice to not have to worry about sharing my grief with my children. I could mourn as I needed to and just worry about myself. I didn't have to figure out how to split my time, my energy, or my emotions. I was just there.
I arrived back in Ohio on Monday evening and we flew out the next afternoon. It was a whirlwind. I am glad that I at least got to see Virgil, Kathy, Mark, Rachel and Andrew a bit in Ohio. To Katie and all the extended family, I missed seeing you. Thanks to you all for helping take such good care of my children. You are amazing.
Life since we've returned has been chaotic, but somewhat less overwhelming in some senses. Perhaps the three day break from my normal parenting routine was good for me in ways I can't even describe.
At least I'm blogging again...
posted by Lara at 8:53 PM
2 Comments:
well said sis.
I miss you dearly and am glad you are feeling less overwhelmed. Now I just need to see some pictures on here when you have the time - I miss that niece and nephew of mine like crazy!!!
Hi Lara,
We've spoken a few times since this post - but I know it's nice to get comments - even if they are weeks late. :)
This was such an insightful view into your life and emotions during this time. I think it is great that you are capturing the reality of life/parenting in your blog - the ups as well as the downs. I think it will be very interesting for you and your children to read years from now.
Thanks for being so honest - and for sharing some of that limited free time with us through the blogging world!
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