tie breaker
We had our 20 week ultrasound this morning and found out that our baby is looking good on all accounts. Oh yeah, and it's a girl!
So, now you expect my reaction, right?
Well, I've already said here that my hopes were swayed towards having a girl, but really I think over the past few weeks I haven't given it much thought and was mostly just hoping for a healthy baby and a moved far out of the way placenta (more on that later...). And when the sonographer was doing her job, I wasn't really anxious about the moment when she would finally look in the right place and tell us the sex. But I admit I did shed a happy little tear when she said it was a girl. And I asked her if she was sure, to which she replied yes, she was totally sure. Good, no ambiguity.
I thought I would be happier. Don't get me wrong, I am happy...this is what I had my hopes on, but I have felt conflicting emotions since coming home. Really, I'm just feeling emotional. I don't know if just seeing that little baby on the screen made it feel so much more real that we are having a baby. Not just a boy or a girl, but a baby. A real live kicking and screaming beautiful baby. Maybe it was Hilary's blog entry last night making me think about cherishing every moment. Maybe it was thinking of how a baby changes your life and how I'm not quite ready for a change. Life with our two kids has felt a little easier lately and thinking about it getting harder is difficult to think about.
And finding out that the baby is a girl makes me love Evan even more, if that's possible. I felt this way when we found out we were having a boy with Evan. It made me love Anya even more. Just thinking about her being my only little girl (possibly...we weren't sure then whether we would go for three) somehow made her seem more special and made me appreciate her more. And now, especially knowing that this is our last baby, it makes me a little weepy looking at my little boy and thinking there will never be another Evan. But that's just it....there could NEVER be another Evan. And even though we're having a girl, there could NEVER be another Anya. And what this all boils down to is me being emotional about the baby to come and even more so just emotional about these two little creatures who already call me mommy. Babies I first met on the ultrasound screen, babies I birthed, babies I have watched grow up into not so much babies anymore. And it makes me happy and sad all at once. (Yes, I'm bawling as I'm writing this.)
I can't wait to meet you, little baby girl. I can't wait for you to fill a new place in my heart. I can't wait for you to capture the hearts of your brother and sister.
Oh, and the placenta? Moved! Yippee! It was just "low-lying" at the 12 week ultrasound, but I was really worried about whether it would move or get worse or whatever. But it measured at 4cm away from my cervix and the sonographer said they want at least 2cm, so that's good. Now I can pick up my kids! I still won't be swinging them around and giving piggy back rides, but I can pick them up and not feel an ounce of guilt. And I can move things myself and not feel so helpless. This is good since I now have the itch to go sorting through tubs and tubs of baby clothes to separate out the girl from the boy attire. I am so relieved and energized.
So, there you have it...the 20 week update...or at least part one. Stay tuned for a new profile shot and photos from the ultrasound as soon as we drag down the scanner and hook it up.
So, now you expect my reaction, right?
Well, I've already said here that my hopes were swayed towards having a girl, but really I think over the past few weeks I haven't given it much thought and was mostly just hoping for a healthy baby and a moved far out of the way placenta (more on that later...). And when the sonographer was doing her job, I wasn't really anxious about the moment when she would finally look in the right place and tell us the sex. But I admit I did shed a happy little tear when she said it was a girl. And I asked her if she was sure, to which she replied yes, she was totally sure. Good, no ambiguity.
I thought I would be happier. Don't get me wrong, I am happy...this is what I had my hopes on, but I have felt conflicting emotions since coming home. Really, I'm just feeling emotional. I don't know if just seeing that little baby on the screen made it feel so much more real that we are having a baby. Not just a boy or a girl, but a baby. A real live kicking and screaming beautiful baby. Maybe it was Hilary's blog entry last night making me think about cherishing every moment. Maybe it was thinking of how a baby changes your life and how I'm not quite ready for a change. Life with our two kids has felt a little easier lately and thinking about it getting harder is difficult to think about.
And finding out that the baby is a girl makes me love Evan even more, if that's possible. I felt this way when we found out we were having a boy with Evan. It made me love Anya even more. Just thinking about her being my only little girl (possibly...we weren't sure then whether we would go for three) somehow made her seem more special and made me appreciate her more. And now, especially knowing that this is our last baby, it makes me a little weepy looking at my little boy and thinking there will never be another Evan. But that's just it....there could NEVER be another Evan. And even though we're having a girl, there could NEVER be another Anya. And what this all boils down to is me being emotional about the baby to come and even more so just emotional about these two little creatures who already call me mommy. Babies I first met on the ultrasound screen, babies I birthed, babies I have watched grow up into not so much babies anymore. And it makes me happy and sad all at once. (Yes, I'm bawling as I'm writing this.)
I can't wait to meet you, little baby girl. I can't wait for you to fill a new place in my heart. I can't wait for you to capture the hearts of your brother and sister.
Oh, and the placenta? Moved! Yippee! It was just "low-lying" at the 12 week ultrasound, but I was really worried about whether it would move or get worse or whatever. But it measured at 4cm away from my cervix and the sonographer said they want at least 2cm, so that's good. Now I can pick up my kids! I still won't be swinging them around and giving piggy back rides, but I can pick them up and not feel an ounce of guilt. And I can move things myself and not feel so helpless. This is good since I now have the itch to go sorting through tubs and tubs of baby clothes to separate out the girl from the boy attire. I am so relieved and energized.
So, there you have it...the 20 week update...or at least part one. Stay tuned for a new profile shot and photos from the ultrasound as soon as we drag down the scanner and hook it up.
posted by Lara at 1:51 PM
5 Comments:
Yay...a little girl! That's what I'm hoping for as well (Steve is, of course, hoping for a boy), but both of us just want a healthy baby. My 20 week ultrasound seems so far away and I can't wait!
I also can't wait for the name to be revealed...you guys come up with the best names!
Love,
Steph
Yeah, another girl! I'm so happy the placenta moved out of the way. Nice blog, you got me crying too! I'm sure it had nothing to do with my hormones, just great writing :)
I appreciate how honestly you write about your feelings of motherhood! I'm glad you got the sex you wanted and that it is all looking healthy. You're a great mother and that baby is going to be such a lucky girl to be born into your family.
Woo-hoo!! Congratulations, Lara!! How exciting to know and to now be able to imagine and plan for her arrival! And congrats to Anya too, for getting a sibling in a new gender. :) Don't worry Evan, this just means you'll have two sisters to taunt with frogs and worms.
And especially congrats on the placenta moving in the right direction. Hope the rest of your pregnancy continues with high hopes and excitement as you prepare for your lives to be turned upside down for a third time!
Beautiful, emotional, got me crying post! I can't wait to meet my new wonderful niece - but yeah that's weird that I won't have any more nephews. Hummmmm...just makes Evan all that much more special (as if he could GET any more special!!!)...I know what you mean. Love you!!!
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