One day at a time

As I'm sure you've guessed, life around our house hasn't been providing many moments for blogging. I am taking this lovely opportunity while both Anya and Evan are sleeping to write a little bit about how things have been going. I don't know if this is going to be a couple minute break or an hour break, so the depth of this update is TBD.

Evan is growing! I took him in to a breastfeeding clinic this week and he was up to eight pounds fifteen ounces, which is eight ounces more than he was last week, so he's definitely eating enough. Just in the last day or so, he actually is starting to actually look bigger to me, too. His face seems chubbier and his clothes are actually not as baggy anymore. I just need to figure out what fits him now so he doesn't grow out of his smaller clothes before he has a chance to wear them at least once. We have been pretty bad about taking pictures lately, but we are resolved to do better and post some soon.

Anya is challenging! I think this week she has finally started to show some signs of jealousy over the attention Evan is taking away from her. Steve's brother Mark was here until Saturday, so she had extra attention up until that point and now that nobody is here, she seems to be a little more irritable. She is acting like she does when she is getting sick, so it could be related to that, but I'm guessing it's more likely that she is dealing with the changes in her life instead. She is still incredibly sweet with Evan and has only once said something remotely negative about his presence. But she has been extra clingy, especially with me and is constantly saying, "Mommy hold you," "Mommy help you," "Mommy go with you." (You in this case is her referring to herself.)

Steve put into words last night what I have been struggling with for weeks with Anya, even before Evan was born. It seems that half of the time she is whining because she wants you to help her with something - "Mommy do it!" "Daddy help you!" "Mommy carry you!" etc. And then the other half of the time she is whining because she wants to do it herself - "My do it!" "Anya do it!" "Self!" etc. And you never know which reaction she is going to have, but it always seem like we are choosing the wrong option. If we try to pick her up, she wants to walk. If we help her get into her carseat, she wants to do it herself. If we pick out a spoon for her, she throws a fit because she wanted to pick one. If we ask her to pick out a bowl, she whines for us to pick one for her. If we open the toothpaste, she cries and puts the cap back on so she can do it herself. If we give her the toothpaste, she cries, "Help, help, help!" We seriously can't win. The same activity can get multiple responses within the space of a few minutes. And it is driving me nuts!!! I don't think this is related to Evan because she was doing it before and it just seems like typical toddler behavior. It is just extra annoying when I have even less patience these days.

The ironic thing is that I feel like I have been paying more attention to Anya and consciously playing with her more these days since Evan is around and it's still not paying off. I feel bad that her life has been turned upside down, so I try extra hard to interact with her. And since I'm not getting anything done around the house anyhow, I have been taking that as an opportunity to sit down and play with her more. At least then I'm doing something instead of sitting around thinking about all the things I'm not getting done. I want her to realize I'm trying so hard and to cut me some slack later on when I can't help her or play with her right when she wants me to, but it obviously doesn't work that way with her logic. But I at least know that I have tried and that counts for a little bit in my head.

I have been extremely lucky this week to have had a lot of help from Steve during the week. Intel moved into their new location this week and since things weren't ready for actual work for a couple days, Steve has been home more than usual, which has been wonderful. And yesterday, Michelle came over for several hours and Kim is coming over on Friday for several hours, so that has really helped to pass the time and not make me feel so overwhelmed and trapped here at home with two kids. We have also been receiving meals almost every night from our playgroup and women from the Mothers' Center, so that has been one less thing we've had to deal with.

The other thing that has been helping a lot is that yesterday I brought up the swing from the basement. Evan really likes being held and it has been wearing me out physically and mentally. But he loves the swing and it allows me some breaks from constantly carrying him around. And I feel like it is helping with Anya too, because I can give her more of my attention when I'm not holding him as much.

Our nights are going fairly well with Evan sleeping for two 3-4 hour stretches with feedings in between. The bad part is that he usually has trouble settling down and going back to sleep after I feed him. Right now he is sleeping exclusively in bed with us because it is just so much easier on Steve and me to have him right there rather than constantly getting up out of bed to comfort him. He just has these freaking out moments where he cries out frantically and then calms down for no apparent reason. It's kind of strange. But as annoying as it is, we know that it could be SO much worse, so we try to keep it all in perspective.

As far as my recovery is going, I am feeling great! I am tired from lack of sleep and from the physical demands of caring for two children, but I seriously don't feel like I just gave birth. I am fortunate that I have healed quickly and that my body has almost fully recovered. Right now my biggest personal issue is that my clothes do not fit me. I was completely out of maternity clothes by two weeks after he was born, but that doesn't mean that I can fit back into my normal wardrobe. I have two pairs of jeans in a size bigger than what I normally wear that I can fit into now, but my shirts are a mess. Either they are too tight in the stomach, too short in the torso, or too snug for my milk-filled breasts. I don't know how much of my shape is permanently changed and how much will go back to "normal" at some point. And regardless, I don't know how long I will be at this stage, so I don't want to buy a bunch of new clothes. Not to mention that going clothes shopping right now is about the last thing I can imagine accomplishing with two kids. Just the thought of it makes me have a headache.

Okay, I think Anya and Evan are both awake or about to wake up now, so I better wrap this up and get back to reality instead of writing about it.