moving on

Today I took Anya and Evan to our last music class of the semester. We have been going almost every week since before Evan was born. If you remember that far back into my blog, you might recall my tearful entry that I wrote on the morning Evan was born (not knowing it was his birthday at the time, of course) about my experiences with Anya in music class. Near the end was this paragraph...

This past week was the last class of our session. I hadn't really though about how I would feel about that before showing up, but as we were gathering and singing our opening song, I just started crying. It was almost over. Not just our time at music class, but my time with just Anya. All of a sudden I was hit with a wave of sadness that our lives are about to change. It will no longer be just me and Anya going about our days together. And while of course I'm excited about having a new baby, it will never be the same. And I just needed a little time to mourn that transition. Unfortunately, my emotions chose to overflow during class when I had to deal with it in front of a room full of people. But I actually don't think anyone noticed that I was such a mess.

And again today, I was overcome with a similar feeling. Although this time I anticipated it a bit earlier as I was writing a brief note of thanks to our music teacher...


Dear Kelly,

I wanted to write a note of thanks for bringing music to our family for the past two and a half years. We are not able to take classes this summer and in the fall Anya is starting preschool and our baby is due right at the start of the new semester. I fully intend to return to music classes with Evan and the new baby once our lives with three children settle into more of a routine, but I feel like this last class today marks the ending of a stage of our family. I want to thank you for being a part of our lives each week. Your calm and patient manner with Anya has always meant so much to me. Many people interact with her and either push too hard or just give up trying after a while. But you met her right where she needed it and noticed and appreciated each small step she made over time. When Evan was born, it was hard to find experiences to share with two children of different ages. Sharing music class with Anya and Evan together has created memories I will always cherish. And I hope it has created a foundation for a lifelong love and appreciation of music in their own lives.

Thank you for a wonderful family music experience! We will miss you, but hope to see you again later in the year.

Sincerely,
Lara, Anya and Evan


I still shed a few tears during this last class, especially as I looked at how old my children have become. How Evan has been doing this his whole life and is now an active participant instead of just sleeping in the carseat carrier. How he turns and runs back to me with the hugest smile on his face after taking his turn to do something. And Anya...oh my dear Anya. Where has the time gone? Is this stage really so close to being over? I know you'll love preschool and you'll even have a music class as part of that. But I won't be there. I won't know how you respond to every little thing and watch you grow and change every week. Will you participate more or less in a new setting? Will your teacher be patient and kind? I miss you already.

And to the new little baby inside...will we really go back? What experiences will we share together, with and without your siblings? It all feels overwhelming right now, both good and bad, but my heart is heavy with anticipation.